Nearly a year ago, I found myself home alone and listening to some really fun Britt Nicole songs while I cleaned out the disaster that had been glaring at me from underneath my bed for years. After the high-energy songs had all played and I was almost done cleaning, a beautiful song of Britt’s called “Have Your Way” came on.
I wasn’t expecting it, and it would be an understatement to say that it caught me off guard. Here are some of the lyrics:
Feels like I’ve been here forever,
Why can’t you just intervene?
Do you see the tears keep falling?
And I’m falling apart at the seams.
But you never said the road would be easy,
But you said that you would never leave.
And you never promised that this life wasn’t hard,
But you promised you’d take care of me.
So I’ll stop searching for the answers,
I’ll stop praying for an escape,
And I’ll trust you, God, with where I am,
And believe that you will have your way.
Just have your way.
Just have your way.
You see, at that point in my life, I had been struggling. Struggling because things were, once again, not going the way I had planned. I envisioned myself taking a glorious road toward all my dreams and desires coming true, but instead I found myself fighting to stay happy with my less-than-desirable circumstances. I wanted to force my dreams into reality, and I wasn’t letting God be God. I was trying to be my own God.
So when I heard this song, it utterly broke me. I burst into tears because I was hurting and could related to David in Psalm 13:1-4 when he cries out to the Lord in his brokenness, just like Britt does at the beginning of her song:
How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,”
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.
But on that day it was like I was relating to only the part of the song that involved self-centered pity (“why can’t you just intervene?”). I was asking God, “WHY haven’t you made my dream come true? Where is my happily ever after? Why isn’t this working the way I want it to? How long will I continue to be this miserable?”
At that point in my life, I wasn’t ready to surrender the pen of my life’s story to God. I knew exactly what I wanted for my future, and I was going to do whatever it took to get there. Until then, my prayers would remain Jen-centered: “God, help this to work out. I need this.”
Needless to say, every time that song came on shuffle, I quickly skipped to next song. I couldn’t handle it.
What I’ve realized since then
At that time in my life, I didn’t know how to surrender my life to God, and it was purely out of fear. I was scared of losing the thing I held nearest to my heart–something so precious to me that I simply couldn’t give it up. It was an area of my life I knew I felt the Lord beckoning me to trust him with, but I refused.
Nine months later, I watched as that precious thing was taken from me. The thing I had been clinging to. And let me tell you with all of my heart, I have since learned so much, but mostly that HIS WAYS ARE BETTER THAN MY WAYS (Isaiah 55:8-9).
Words cannot even describe how it felt to have this happen to me. At first, I felt entirely hopeless and heartbroken. But, praise be to God, there is restoration in Jesus Christ and there is healing power in his Word. I have never felt so close to God in my entire life. I had to allow him to break me to get my attention, and the end result is a beautiful picture of complete joy in Christ. No more brokenness. No more fear.
It turns out that the thing I was most scared of happening is the very thing God is using to make me dependent on him and more like his Son. And I’ve never been more thankful for the fact that God is faithful, and he proved that to me by rescuing me from my brokenness.
And now for my favorite part, and the reason that I felt compelled to share this story with you…
It just so happens that a week ago I was driving home from church, once again rocking out to Britt when “Have Your Way” came on for the first time in awhile. At first I was tempted to skip to the next song, but then it hit me: I don’t need to. There’s nothing to avoid.
It’s safe to say that this song has become my anthem! Not one sorrowful tear fell for the entire duration of the song. It is now a song that brings me utter joy, and it reminds me that I can rest because I have trusted God with my whole life, and from every day forward I will continue to surrender and hand him the pen of my life’s story, in all seasons and circumstances and chapters.
Remember David’s Psalm? The one where he cries out and asks God why he has forsaken him? Do you remember how it ends? Check it out:
But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.
Just like Britt’s song, it ends with believing in God, trusting him and letting him have his way! I want to leave you with my new favorite lyric from that song. It’s a line that used to hurt because I couldn’t let go of my own dreams:
Even if my dreams have died,
And even if I don’t survive,
I`ll still worship you with all my life.
Allow me to urge you to surrender control to God today. He loves you, and if you will let him, he will write a beautiful story called your life.
Jen
Jennifer's Hope 